A Natural Identity, Slowly Identified by Science’s Development

What is my identity? Alas! I have found it! It is the interpretation of scientific similarities between us all our hair, the color of our eyes, height, all those colliding with the natural identity of life. We are a Scientist’s Rose Slowly wilting, it is weird. We are all dying as we grow. Our leaves get bigger, brighter, the longest swan song there is.

Who am I? I am the seed of the past generations. I traveled across regions and lay my roots here. I am also a form of dandelion and multiply to travel across the land. Others see this as a regular course, but myself, with my colorful leaves represent a unique migration , still retaining the hues of my past.

To some I am a male, brown eyes, curly hair, a hyphened American. Yes I am, but I am also nature’s product , uniquely blossoming according to my environment and my emotions. The mitochondria in me is endowed by my good friends and family giving me energy to grow stronger.

It is warm sometimes, warm until the point that some of my leaves begin to crisp. Here comes the rain! A cool mist that lets me remain alive longer, I look up at the sky and see life! Life, in the form of heavenly droplets, one by one, transforming into small rainbow bodies against the sun.

Scientific Definition and Natural Magic tie into one. Photosynthesis of me. I embrace everything with open arms, stems and roots grow out to try new things. Sure, at times I may be a weed. It is caused by my mind’s reactions, human embodiments of negativity that are explained neurologically as well. I am not a perfect creation, I am wilting an example of my vulnerability.

I am wilting, but I like this. I am wiser, I know not to be Icarus and fly to close to the sun. To be like Persephone and fight to remain atop with this beautiful land.

My Mundane life is amazing, look at my colorful leaves! They are growing! I wonder what other colors may be born next. I also wonder what handprint I am going to leave. What genes will my seeds inherit? Nevertheless they will be both good and bad, helping my children become stronger.

I am Ivan five foot eight, eighteen years old, and starting life with the fertilizer of grandiose accomplishments, and the colors of my past. Science and art have identified me and I have identified myself.

It is the night, I should go to sleep. These travels have made me stronger.

The Human plant which I have become is nestled across the world’s foliage.

I am wilting, but I like this.

Speak

26 years ago Sebastian Acevedo of Chile was in complete inner destruction. His children had been taken by the CNI, CHile's secret police who murdered leftists. Acevedofelt like many people of that decade as well as today. Political suppresssion of one's feelings is always negative. There is never discourse always destruction. Why are people so into politics? I read Angels in America and Louis the man for whom politics speak through is utterly the most disturbing character, abandoning his lover and overall never knowing what he wants. Why are politics so important? I don't see it, I just don't. SHould we all set ourselves on fire to stop what destroys us? WHat ails you? SPeak of it. I'm tired of neverminds and forget it's. SPEAK YOUR MIND!!

JOG?

The gaze of the moon is upon me and as I run I see the glimmering welcomes of the city’s night life, arising from yet another day of diligence. How far is it to the moon? Can I get there with these shoes? I don’t know but my feet are starting to ache and the sound of my pace is making a melodious rhythm. One, Two, Three… another group of beats and I begin to make up a song. I do that sometimes; make up weird songs when I am in the moment. I guess it is just my impertinence to be creative. I believe that eighty percent of the time, my creativity is stifled by an unknown source and I want to compensate that problem but am unable to, resulting in word or drawing mush. I loathe mush. As I run today I tell myself “six laps stay on six laps non-stop”. I walk at lap five. Well I run and walk, but I still walk. Is self-discipline not able to compute within me? Ah, I have problem with staying on task. Lap five is my “fuck it!” lap, and this angers me! However there is a silver lining to all of this, as I contemplate why I can’t continue running, I am running lap six. Lap six is the enigma of my inner art. Lap six is my subconscious magnum opus. Why did I start talking about this? There goes that beat again, one, two, three. How far is it to the moon?

Quedate Luna

The boy sits in his desk, his dorm is messy.
His toy frog is sleeping with it's eyes open.
He wants to be aware of the kid's reactions.
The kid is confused.
Why is he feeling like this?
I dunno why I'm feeling like this.
I like her.
I like him.
i like them.
I hate them all, but I love them.
"He's pretentious" she says.
"i'm sorry. I'm sorry I am not as experienced with you smoking that joint."
"I'ts okay, I forgive you"
Shut up you are being fucken loud.
She's just an attetion whore.
Me Me Me me me me
her her her her
neither but both
headaches
maybe its the stupid conversations around people smarter than me
ridiculous and pathetic
Where's L.A when I need it?
My world is being run by unnecessary people.
Doesn't hurt to try and be nice, bitch
Sarcasm never caught nor captured, that net was too big.
That net is always big.
I'm gonna sleep with my eyes open tonight.

First Five Days Of Santa Cruz

Overall this school is amazing. You get the HELLA nice people that greet you everytime and they are always wanting to be your friend. The teachers aren't teaching at a pay limit. They exceed any stereotypes. However can they fix a broken heart?

Breathing Is Just A Rhythm

Right now I saw someone's profile and it said ...take one day at a time. It was calling to me. That shining beacon of hope that everyone talks about witnessing finally came to me. I should not be mislead or misguided into a predetermined future for myself. I set up a wall if I do this. MUST OBLIGE TO PLANS I HAVE ENTRUSTED IN MYSELF. That's all that it calls for. Being myopic not having an open view of the world around me. I am leaving her and no longer would I be able to hold her everyday, to tell her I love her and see her eyes up close. 500 miles is the other side of the world for me and I cannot bear to travel these miles alone, I was scared, now im not. I know I have you and my path just seems shorter. Yes the other side of the world is far, but we have airplanes, I can get here. No doubt you are the most important thing to me and you will stay in that place forever. I love you and your imperfections. They make you human. You can write a whole essay!!! I just can seem to wrap it around my head that I am leaving. So soon and I don't want to mislabel this a summer love, because truly like I said, it's a forever 18 year old adult love...some say strong tides are dangerous, but really they just get you there faster.

live day by day not tomorrow by today

It's Hard To Believe.......

Seems like just yesterday that I had my heart broken and decided to just have fun and not take life seriously. However old flower seemed to bloom out of a valley of ash and now this has brought us here. I know it is to early to predict but I think I found the one. Then one that makes me smile and really uplifts my spirits. The one that now knows that I cry when I watch UP even though I watched it five times. She knows who I am and I admire that. I love the lady. <3>

My Wife <3

Repentant Solitude

I travel once again to the dark depths of Victor Frankenstein, to read yet another chapter that entices me to continue this beautiful book. It gives me a feeling which soothes my every nerve down to every building block of my body. It is like literary mutilation. You feel the angst and the pain which the protagonist suffers and you exert your emotions to parallel theirs, therefore creating an outlet to what you may possibly be containing inside. In this chapter he has been bed sick and his friend Clerval is there beside him, aiding his fellow Genevian. Geneva became so familiar and I realized it was from Anne Hathaway's PRINCESS DIARIES, but not falling astray...Clerval and Victor spend months trying to help Victor's recuperation after being informed by his beloved cousin Elizabeth that they very much want to see him or at least hear from him. How strange that family cares so much. Have you ever thought about that, what makes us have emotions? This is a book about the exact science of the body yet, they have hatred and love, factors which have not been proven an occurence of science.

Moving on, he decides to travel with Clerval to the East, like Persia and remote countries to explore their stories. The ideas he gains are legit and able to be considered uinique. It has always crossed my mind that many things are copies of something else. For example Taco Bell claims a latino name and taste, but my abuelitas tacos do not taste like that. I remember I once had a conversation with a friend about my dislike of mexican restaurants and how I can a better flavor at my home, why pay for a knock-off. This is why Victor took appreciation to this writing and language, it was something new which made him appreciate the human being and all of its entity. He grew apart from the science definition of a human and accustommed himself to the soul and spirit of a person.

This book is excellent , it provides me with the needed ideas for my future goals.

BURGER BDGT.

Today at BLVD. Burgers. kiddo <33

Suck My Foam Finger!

Hmm, I arrived at the Dodger Stadium , hey! Did you guys know it was a big ass scandal when they first made it?! Supposedly in the 1950s they were trying to have building projects for low income families but they made the stadium.WOW!! Hello Homeless Hunnies!! They were really bad in taking homes away from people, but I mean to their sacrifice a huge turnout( 49,000 attended yesterday) of people come to watch. This is the old plan for the Elysian Park Heights.

Well anywho! The Game was tight yo! Let's explain to explain with a video:

"Shake your foam finger" ...."suck it!!" ..."no!!'So we went and we had fun trying to go on the camera and Bere and I decided to make out in a Laker Game! So that sounds like fun! And then Alejandra being mean telling me how Santa Cruz was in Flames!!! =0 but yesss!!

That's Just A Mirror Narcissus...

Have any of you heard about the myth of Narcissus ? The Hellenic version interests me. It begins with this boy, Ameinias, who fell in love with Narcissus. Narcissus was displeased becaused nobody suited his supposed elegant grace. He spurned Ameinias, and made him commit suicide in front of his eyes. Fortunately Ameinias was not a brute. He prayed to Nemesis to exact revenge on Narcissus. The next day, Narcissus was out amid the woods and stumbled upon a pond where he fell in love with his reflection. He could not keep his eyes off of the beautiful man looking straight at him. He sat there until he perished. That is why they say that the Narcissus Flower is still found beside waterbanks admiring its reflection.

Strange and unimaginable that some people can take that shape or form. TO not care about the people around them because they are not worthy. There are some who classify themselves as people who have far superior skills or knowledge in an area of interests than those which surround them. Morality kicks in and obviously that leads you no where. Pushing aside men because their worth is questionable. I doubt Narcissus ever stayed and thought about how this person's life was affected because of me. He walked or skipped, frolicking in rapture. There is no room for you Narcissus. Go look at yourself in the pond. Call Icarus and tell him to fly you close to the sun. Tell the fates to cut your string and ask Hades to paddle you across the River Styx. Let others care for those you have wounded. It's better of with you, yourself, and well...you.

Docenas

Today I went to the Donut Place
Around the corner of grandma's pad.
The woman said hello what would you like.
I said... mint chocolate chip, and a better life

she said "I'm sorry I can't help you with that"
and I replied I know...
and I replied I know...

I went back to my grandmas and sat for a while
text text text text text
pulp fiction
text text text text text
pulp fiction

i thought about tomorrow
i thought about today
why do i always think about tomorrow first
and never of today
why?
can u tell me.. no you cant

he's using you just see how he talks to other men
hes using you and you know that's it and it will end
im sorry if i made you cry but thats just it i know
this thing that's hidden in this soul is nothing but jealousy
anger hatred sorrow revenge and no control

tell me...can you help me
tell me ... is it true
does my mind desrve a chance
will i break a mold?
will this all end well,
or what will happen if it doesnt
there i go again
future thoughts a dozen.

Wow! You Smiled?! WOW!!

Today was not an easy day but nonetheless I enjoyed it. I got up at 7:00 a.m and I began to get ready. I told my dad I was going out with Alma and he gave me a look. Like a " no vas a jotear?" look. I got mad and he gave me that no homo talk and how disgusting men on men is. I swore on GOD that I didn't like men. Shiva is gonna be a mad bitch.

So we went to go see where Arturo tagged my name. Alma spotted the piece of ART that was tagged amongst multiple colors, a bright pink. So GENUINELY we took a picture. We walked along the river and went to Veteran's park. That's when I told her, ehh end of story for that.

She came back and we hung out at my grandma's and used her Wii ahahaha my grandmother has a Wii! So then I hung out with my cousins.

...on the phone with Almita

My summer so far....

This is my twenty first post. Now I know that to many it may not mean anything but to me it means my age distance from my mother. It means my favorite number, and it means a good blackjack game. Some say the number 21 is the luckiest number, comprised of three 7's. However this 21st post is not lucky in all ways. I want to post my blog about my summer. Partly because it changed my life and the other part because I don't want people to continue asking what did I do.

It was a normal day on twitterville when I began to check my myspace inbox for some friend requests. he added me. Apparently he had taken notice i had began following him on twitter. We began talking and soon enough we found a distinct connection, sending pictures and hearing music. I wanted to meet him and we decided to meet down at BLVD burgers, where I had an amazing time with the swim team. We began talking more and on July 10, 2009 he asked me to be his boyfriend. After losing a prized bracelet at South Gate park and seeing his effort in trying to find it, I said yes. He was and is my first boyfriend, I was his first Kiss, if felt new and fresh, I loved the idea of him. This summer I opened my soul to anything that was willing to enter it. Now I won't be badly reputed later but we had our ups and our downs, but now we get bye, my nene. He changed my life for the best. Yeah I told my parents and they don't talk to me, but believe me it was a small prize to pay. They'll come around eventually. I only have one month with him.

I begin to think that again my mind has dozed off and claimed forbidden territories. It makes me believe I have imperialist power and that I alone decide what goes on in my life. I am moving left and right, sexual urges being released without care because emotions are surpassing in intensity. I am safe and I feel well, I want it all and I can have it. I am greedy, I am able to manipulate the shit out of everyone. I don't cry. Then as if with a chill his tears woke me up from this dream. I was awoken, and I wasn't living by a Burger King motto. I had problems and bad. My flight was stunted by reality. However he is my lullaby and he makes me want to dream again. It's like magic. It's the ubiquitous identity that he provides. It's unique and beautiful. It's Art.

You don't know me that well so 7 things about me.

1. I have never done drugs.
2. I have whore feelings for everyone
3. I don't have enemies , they are just friends who didn't keep it real.
4. I am going away because I want to be alone.
5. I like the smell of wet pavement.
6. My studies are insufficient in the Real WORLD
7. I wish the best for everyone, regardless of how they are towards me, life is too short to hold grudges.

boyy baby has it being forever since i have written in this.. hmm ill post tomorrow. Going out with ALMA!!

Yeah

The Strokes all day hahaha I love them

Post - Moderation

It is a guilty pleasure of mine to tease people into different things. When I know I can get my way with them I usually play the " Me?I'm just a victim, a pawn in the big specter of problems" role. Easy. Papitas. How stupid do people really think I am? It is funny to watch them flatter themselves thinking that they are showing me the ropes, maing me a better person.

Just came back from Santa Cruz this week, and I loved it. I will try to post pictures later. I met new people and I think that is amzing.

I have a boyfriend. I thought I would never say that. Yeah I know its socially wrong but I don't want to be stupid and say I don't like it( unlike others) and I'm glad I made the decision. He's great. He tolerates my stupidity. Shineii Mesu Buta Domo hahahaha. I love him.....

Reventon 2009

Funny I don't see her and once i did everything rekindles. I am left feeling retarded and i feel it is always my fault. WTF why? Today we went to the Reventon and i had a lot of fun watching Paulina Rubio strut her stuff onstage. KATRINA HAD HER FIRST DRINK!!!! I was like whaaaaat here is this girl who has always said she wasnt going to drink, DRINKING!!! It was awesome. Then we had some tacos and I beat her. Perfect! I had a good night .

Macetas Peludas

I have not written in this blog for a while now. I got my new phone which takes amazing pictures. I went out with Carla and Art. Before that i just kicked back with Art. Umm we went to go see Harry Potter and it was great! Good Day today I was happy. I am NOT wearing sweats anymore!!!! hahhahahah.

17146698563 amy ..

My phone broke! I have no life but that which secludes me from everyone, my home. I can't go out as much and I don't know it seems my parents know about my recent situation. They call me out on little things. It fucken bothers me dude. They are too nosy and they need to stop. According to them it's wrong to talk back to your parents but what are you going to do when that's all you can do. Very fucked up. I miss my friends. Where are they?

Strange...

Strange how I have not been indifferent about the situation. I feel the same. At the same time however, small things begin changing. I no longer have dreams. I can not envision endless capabilities anymore. I can't fly across the ocean or go through some purple mountain rollercoaster. I miss my dreams, in both senses. Days go by and I don't attempt to be better. "I'll save it for college" is my answer to the life that I am living. Seeing as how I am missing deadlines and have to work harder, there might not be a college. Imagine. No future? I need my dreams back! Give them back to me you bitch! You think it is easy to become my perverse dreamcatcher without me hanging you on my wall. My friend told me she was disappointed in what I had become. That after the most current of my breakups I had changed and become somebody she never knew before. She was my ex too, therefore she knows me, but what makes me wonder is if the person she knew was the real me. I do not want to deviate from my thoughts though. I am working towards having my dreams back. I have not wrote on ,my journal since two saturdays ago. You do the math. Sucks huh? Well hopefully they come back soon. I am working towards a better future. I can't miss anymore deadlines. Well today I was driving all day long. I wanted to meet up with ART but i could not. Maybe next time R2D2. Well I have to go to sleep because I work at my shitty ass job tomorrow. Let me dream today?

Makee whaat you want of itt...

oh! one more thing...

I PASSED MY AP TEST!

make what you want of it!

Sundayyy...

I guess I realized that I should not jump into conclusions that others set. I don't know I seem to have expanded my options in life. Can you tell I am being all stupid nervous!? What is bothering me is what will my parents think? I hold their thoughts in a high altar and to have them be disappointed is not on the top of my list. Who cares I am not going to shy away from new things. Good day, yesterday. Fair, Park, Jack's, Bench, Jack's, Bench, Tree, Home <3.>

Make what you want of it...

Gone?

I'm sitting here waiting for Art and listening to Carolina Liar. It seems weird weird how I love this song so much. It has GOD, or the misnomer of creation, in the song. Is it my subconscious telling me that I need this entity as a part of my life. Or does it just appeal to me because there has been a minimal twitter crusade that has got me thinking. I don't know but hey I don't like church and I feel I am entitled to say so. Constant fights in my house only remind me that it will be a part of my life forever. Now I am sitting next to a tree in south gate park and listening to Everyone Who Pretended to Like Me Is Gone by the Walkmen. I am bad at interpreting lyrics but this song appeals to me because the chorus is " I made the best of it". After I lost a lot of fairweather friends I got to notice who liked me for me and who was just here until school was out. Yes some losses hurt but I made the best of it. Can Art get here already it's getting cold and yeah......

Make what you want of it......

Exhausted...

I'm tired of being everybody's bitch. I always listen, comment and try to make everyone else's life better. I lose myself to help find others and it is not bad it is just, I LOSE MYSELF. These past weeks without Bere and Kat have been weird for me because I don't have anyone to confide in and give me a hug of relief. I try to do that with others but I know I am not giving undivided attention. Their attention is a whore, a polygamist; always thinking of something or someone else when it comes to my problems. "Oh yeah that sucks but yesterday..."...changing the subject. I don't know I just began to feel alone all of a sudden and it is not nice. Then again what is.
Yesterday was the fourth of July. The day we celebrate people that did not want to pay their taxes. We also celebrated my cousin Lety's quince. I told my cousin my story and she was like wow! Lol! So we decided to try and go to club ab 540 next week! Lol! No but I really want to go visit her at riverside. Get away for a while. I'll update more on today later because I haven't done anything worthy of an audience. If I have one.

Art Blvd.

It seems unexpected when a person that represents some of the things you dislike appeals to you massively. It became apparent that as soon as I began talking to Art he was someone different from the rest of my friends. He admits he is not the smartest, and I admire that. How does one put aside their pet peeves so quickly?" I guess you just do" would be my answer. I had fun today...

I went to work today! I sitting late at night talking on the phone with Alma and then Carla called and told me to call the job agency. They informed me that I had a position at the Forever 21 factory in Bandini! I began work at 8:30 a.m and was stoked! I was going to gain money and buy my new phone. However 3 hours into the job I began to realize that it was not easy. I sat in the outside area next to the loncheras with Carla and talked about what we were doing. I was using the palette jack to throw away trash like a quarter mile away, about 40 times!, and Carla was inspecting clothes( yeah its a pain). After another two hours my legs began to ache! I was about to start crying but I realized I was in it for the money. I stayed put and went to the restroom to try and stretch my legs. I began to count down until finally, at 4:30 p.m we finished! I was releaved and happy to finish.Tomorrow i go in at 7:oo a.m and come out at 12:00 p.m ugh. I need the money though. Funny thing, Martha cancelled because of her beach thing. I went out with Art, who would not go in because he thought I was not there lol!!! We didn't talk for a while and then it began to flow. I learned new things about him (floutas) and he learned about me. It was a good day overall. I want to do it more often. Jon AYALA lol. yumm.

The Study of the Road...

So yesterday I was extremely tired and did not get to record the great day I had yesterday. So yesterday I was at the dentist canceling some braces appointment for my brother and decide to go study the driving test that JULIO passed!!! That is so awesome! Anyways, I got to his house and waited 10 minutes like a retard outside his house until I finally knocked. His little brother answered. I sat down and let Jackie borrow my phone. She likes to take pictures, I hope she becomes a good photographer one day. So then they left and Julio and I watched Oprah and Tyra in the same show! It was about the Rihanna Chris brown mierda but it is all good. I almost fell asleep and then had to leave. I had fun =).


Friends are those who keep close watch of you and are the most honest. Julio is one of those.

Make what you want of it...

My Friend's Keeper...

So today I went to the movies with Katrina, Alexis, Carlos, Denise and Storm. We all met at Burger King, the spot we go to like three times a in one movie day! So i was looking at the ketchup packets and it reminded me of the conversation I had with Art in the morning of how ketchup is gross. Then we kept stealing Alexis's scratch and win's and Carlos and Stormy kept winning. We kept getting food and it was funny. We saw the movie and I cried. I don't know why. I began to understand why I loved these guys so much. They knew exactly what I was going through even if I didn't tell them. I appreciate their friendship and hope that I can stick with them forever. Well at least I know one thing; my marriage with Katrina, April 27, 2015! I know everyone is invited. I think that I may be falling for this person a lot more than I expected, but she just can't see. The lesson of today was to live life to the fullest and not to let anyone stop you from something you want to do. Ah old habits die hard and hopefully I will not regret anything. I am looking forward to Friday! I can't wait. Ever feel like going out with the people you love the most and having a great time everyday? I do. I am just hoping these vacations turn out like today everyday.I am just very emotional i guess. Well i would really write more about today but i am actually really tired lol. UH goodnight. I got my new haircut and now I have to get used to it. UGH!!!

Make What You Want of It...

Drowning

Today I went to the Maywood swimming pool with Alma, Julie, and my sister Yvette. Had fun, unexpected experiences.

Today I no longer drowned. I can breathe and say what I want to say. Before, my lyrics were muffled by the prejudice that followed their exertion, but now they are amplified. Now i can sing my song without having to worry how off tone i may be. Ha! Is This It by The Strokes is sneaking up on my iPOD more everyday. I wonder...

Make What You Want of It...

Morning Art...

Today I woke up at about 4:40 a.m because I was texting my new friend Art and knocked out. I dunno I guess I had in mind that I did not want to go to sleep so i woke up really early. So far nothing is wrong, I feel fine and awake. So today we continued our game of 21 questions. I was amazed at how many good questions he asks and he seems to have them planned but he doesn't. So I went to the restroom and decided to take a picture because it reminded me of Alexis's camel toe picture. Alexis is nice. She is honest and has prolific answers to all my problems. Aww Ale i had a moment. Thank you. I was back in bed because I feel all shitty this week. Hopefully it passes. Yeah so right now I'm listening to The Veronicas( 4ever) and still texting Art! Dayumm! hahaha. "Only if they put theyre finger more into.." hahahah quote of the day. Well ill update this later because I have to go turn in the Application for the Maywood Scholarship and go Swimming with Alma and my future friend Julie. Lates Ya'll.

Make What You Want Of It...

Taking Laps

Six thirty was the time that was displayed on my sidekick's screen. I called Carla up today to routinely remind her that I was at Bell ready to take my frustration out on the track. I am no longer nervous upon entering this school. Before, I thought I was an outsider to the world of Bell. There, I had lost my friends and my old self.I spotted her with the extra earphones I had asked her to bring. She always remember the smallest things. I can appreciate a friend like that. One who is honest and true. We decided to walk a lap, like always, and talk about our weekend. After we decided we were going to run seven laps, stop, and run seven more. Today i was not feeling well, moody swingy even, and I jut wanted to focus on something more productive, running. We began to outrun people and make them get infuriated, a humorous sight to behold.After the twelve laps we actually ran we decided to do some escalators, or stairs. I felt nauseous and decided to "rest" for a while. Then some savages came from nowhere and began doing some squats towards Carla! They were inconsiderate and annoying! Then we stopped and went home thanks to the nobodies.
Running from something usually leads you to a further distance than you actually thought was possible. It makes you wonder why you were running in the first place, and if you can go back with the same stamina. You can fall and scrape a knee amid the pain stacking hours of your return from your somber departure.

Make what you want of it...

Caffeine Rant

Sitting here , drinking my 7-11 "regular" coffee with three helpings of white cocoa, 2 of hazelnut Cinnamon and one half and half, ( along with 5 packets of sugar) I realize that "regular" isn't always regular. You see regular to who? To GOD? To the City Council? Your parents? To who? Regular to me just defines something that is common to a specific group of people, in this case 7-11 customers. I wonder, what is regular to the people at Starbucks, or the people at Tierra Mia here in Cudahy? Do their taste buds agree that 7-11 coffee is in fact regular? I don't know. I would just call it the "common drink of our customers". Yeah, but its too long(no she didn't say it), so I am drinking the CDOC of 7-11! Makes you wonder why AIDS and STD are also abbreviated. Are they regular too? Are they regular to GAY lifestyles? In some parts yes. In some no, so I guess what I am trying to say is that AIDS and STD apply to everyone in the world.They are all different but still the same, they are just under some common agenda that helps notify the world of what it is they have. They are all one big 7-11 with infinite amount of possibilities and still have the same flavor, or disease. Yes 7-11 says regular and not CDOC but its not funny when the A word comes up and everyone crucifies a rainbow.

Make what you want of it...

The Modern Outlet...

Lately I was trying to figure myself out. I am a high school graduate, I should be proud but I'm not. I should feel more excited but I am unmoved. Why is that? Is it because lately I have cheated on my friendships, but then again my friendships are cheats of what they are suppose to be so does that make me be in the right senses. Oh, my name is Ivan, I come from an okay mexican home which has kept its culture in tact. I admire that. They are always there for you with stories of the past to elucidate the well being of this country. As vivid as they're ideas may seem, they fail to address problems that hurt me the most. I am stuck in shadows of confusion. Do I like that? Do I hate those?
From the looks of it, UC Santa Cruz is my way out. It is my path to new beginnings where if people ask something about me I am not afraid to say what's on my mind. Why is it that now i have become this person that I always wanted to be in High School? One of my friends told me that it is because i wasn't broken. Broken. Broken sounds like it i was messed up. I think he meant i was not myself, I wasn't liberated. Yeah, liberated. Well I thank him for saying that anyways. Now I can move on with my broken/ liberated self.
More. I recently had an experience which changed my life haha. I would shy away from these emotions in school but once I was set free, i could try. Not a good experience. It left me with questions and confused emotions. I mean talk about badly handled but I mean I appreciate the aid to make me know myself more. It's just did I have to lose a friend this fast? Did I disappoint so many without even knowing? I feel guilty confused and unknowing. The reason I am writing this is because I have learned to say what is on my mind. Through simple monotonous words I can get my message across; I don't shy away from new things. Why stay secluded in my ideas when i can let the world know without actually letting the world know?
This is my first post, my first message to the cyber world some call an outlet.

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